A peek inside my mind, for those that wanted it.
This will not be pretty, I assure you.
I was 5 years old (1979) when I was originally diagnosed as, “Hyperactive.”
I received many years of tests and medication for this, “medical term.” The years of Ritalin and many other drugs I was on were a time I do not look back upon with warm thoughts.
At the age of 11, my father died from a massive coronary. His heart literally exploded. He was 33.
When I was 12, I decided to stop the medication and my family agreed to let me stop. I had never second guessed that decision, until today.
I have tried explaining how I see things too people in the past. I seem to out think everyone when it comes to many subjects and I get labeled, “genius.” They are actually very wrong, you see, I have roughly 200 (?) thoughts going through my mind at any given moment. I have gotten used to it over the years. IQ tests are a breeze when you can recall information that is already going through your mind.
Because of the monumental amount of information passing through my mind, I am able to over analyze situations and blow conversations into oblivion when a subject interests me or when I focus in on it. That is also another part of this, you see, I may not be interested in something yet I will possess enough knowledge on a subject that I will even make experts on a subject take a step back and reevaluate their stance on a subject.
I was recently talking to my wife and trying to explain exactly how my mind works. She, by the way is a genius and can put together, “logical” arguments that usually lose (unfortunately) to my circular and sideways logic (at least, that is the way I see it).
I had avoided being re-diagnosed all these years. I figured I had, “out grown” my, “hyperactivity.”
NOPE!
Now days, they have new terms for old maladies.
ADD, ADHD and Bipolar.
WHOA! You mean to tell me, I am days away from being 35 years old and my, “hyperactivity” is catching up with me once again?
“Focusing in” on something may be very easy for most people. For me, it is like having a television on, with 200 channels all going at the same time and understanding each and every one of them. When someone comes in the room and says, “What are you watching?” I reply with, “Yes.” I think this is funny and those around me do not get the joke.
This has been a normal state of affairs for me for my entire adult life.
My wife has seen what happens when I focus on something. I am able to tackle great odds when I do. The thought that I can be focused all the time…
Scares me to no end.
I know this is an irrational fear. I even know that I will benefit vastly from being able to focus. I am most afraid of losing, “ME.” As I am right now, I am able to be freely creative in my thoughts. I am worried that if I follow the medical advice I will likely get today, that I will lose that edge.
Today, I will be going to an appointment to find out if I indeed still suffer from, “Hyperactivity” and finding out if I should consider doing anything about it.
Tomorrow… I will be 35.
This will be an ongoing topic as I detail what happens from my perspective…
Unless I scrap the advice I get from the, “Medical professionals.”
Can you teach an old dog new tricks?
UPDATE:
Being that I finished this post only hours before my appointment, I thought it only fair to update my progress…
Diagnosis: ADD/Bipolar 2/OCD*/PTSD*.
I was prescribed medication for these maladies. I must admit… I could have guessed at the OCD, but the PTSD took me totally off guard. That term in many usages relates mainly to combat veterans, of which, I am not.
*These were only acute forms, potentially, not worth mentioning but it was part of the diagnosis.
I guess I did indeed out grow my Hyperactivity! Now I get to take a long look at whether or not to treat the illness, or, ignore it.
UPDATE:
Post Diagnosis;
Filed under: MY LIFE, ADD, ADD and me, ADHD, adult add, adult adhd, Bipolar, Bipolar 2, hyperactivity, hyperative, mental health, OCD, PTSD, ritalin
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